Ruth Sanderson

Some people might think I study odd things – like success.  Every time I meet someone who’s been successful my curiosity is peaked, I want to know how they did it, the process, the context.  Then I’m looking at how that matches my current process for achieving the same thing and I play around till I get the desired results.

As you can imagine this also means I’ve worked out various ways of delaying success.  So let me share with you one very good way of putting off the success you desire and deserve.

“When I _______________ then I’ll _______________”

That’s it.  You get to fill in the blanks.

Typically it’s along the lines of when I have my goal, then I’ll act in a different way.  Now this is as close as you can get to putting the cart before the horse and not realising it.  If you had your goal and you’d either behave differently, dress differently, do something differently, then what’s stopping you from doing/being the difference now?

Several years ago I did a paper exercise.  At the top I wrote    When I’m successful I’ll….

and then I just wrote lots of different endings.  After which I looked at all these things and said so which could I be/do/have right now.

One of the endings was I’ll always have a bottle of champagne in my fridge.  So I went and bought a bottle and there it lived and every time I opened my fridge door, voila success, well the feeling of success to be precise and that’s exactly what you want, the feeling.  Then something significantly fabulous happened and I wanted to celebrate and so out came the bottle of champagne and I felt really, really, successful.  Now over the years depending on just how flush I’ve been (running a business does have some hairy moments), it’s been a bottle of cava but it was always something that enabled me to feel successful.

So make your list and see just how much success you can have in your life already.

Which type of leader are you, a bat leader or a frog leader?  Maybe you’ve never thought of yourself in either of those terms

The point is one is more resilient than the other, you just need to know which one you do the easiest.

Here’s a video clip I recorded a couple of years ago now, but it’s message is still timeless.

Obviously no one wants to be a frog leader, but a level of honesty and self awareness is required to know if you’re really doing bat leader as much as you could.

For example if time get’s in your way (as in being so busy you have to reschedule, cancel, turn up late to appointments) then this will be affecting your bat skills.

When you see something, how often do you make judgements based on the setting in which you see it?

A friend sent me an email about an experiment organised by the Washington Post.

In a nutshell, a young chap plays the violin at a metro station one cold morning in Washington DC.  It’s rush hour, he plays several pieces of music over 45 mins and more than a thousand people pass by.  During his performance a few people slow down, 7 stop and about 27 people gave him money.  The one who paid him most attention was a 3 year old boy, his mum doing her best to drag him along so she wouldn’t be late for work.  During this time he collected $32.  Between each piece there was silence, no applause or recognition.

Who was this violinist?   Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world, playing various classical pieces on a violin worth a cool $3.5 million.  What’s more prior to the experiment on the metro station, tickets for his performance at a theater in Boston were sold out and the seats averaged $100.

The experiment was done to see if in a common place setting we notice real beauty and talent, and do we allow ourselves time to appreciate it.  Or are we so absorbed in the minutiae of our life that we miss many special moments to be lost forever.

So back to my initial question – to what extent do you let the environment influence your expectations, your judgement, your perception?

Came across this quote and just had to share it.

“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch.  Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” – E. E. Cummings

Do you have a vision for your future?

As a child what did you want to be when you grew up?  Nurse, fireman and teacher were the hot options at my infant school.  Then of course you somehow realise there are more options out there.

I’m still surprised at the number of people who tell me what they do, listen to what I do and then wistfully say “ahh but I’d love to ….or as a child I always wanted to be …” as a profession.  What stops them from pursuing this desire? – being sensible and responsibility are the 2 most popular answers.  Apparently I am blessed and lucky to be able to do what I love.  Well so I’m told.   So why do I get to do what I love, and others don’t?  Especially as I’ve never thought of myself as unsensible or irresponsible.   What is it that causes one person to choose to remain in an unfulfilling job and another to go out and pursue it?

I have a hypothesis, just as “I don’t have the time” is very often an excuse rather than the truth, responsibility and sensibleness are also acceptable excuses.  We can trot them out in public without fear of ridicule or being called on them.  These are socially acceptable ways of skirting the real issue of why someone has chosen to stay where they are.  And choosing to stay where you are is not wrong, but what about a bit of authenticity in the answer, how about “I’m too scared”, or “I can’t be bothered”, or “my job is currently funding my kit car and once that’s built then I’ll think about it”.  Well at least we wouldn’t be having a superficial conversation trying to smoother some simmering passion.

Then again some of the answers I’ve had include “you need a degree, or you have to be charismatic”.  In both cases I didn’t agree so I found out how they knew their reason to be true, and we shared our evidence.  I’m pleased to say that upon hearing contrary evidence they went off with renewed vigor, the stumbling block removed.  Sometimes what’s stopping us is real, other times it’s all an illusion.

So now I am asking myself what else would I love to do this year, and what’s stopping me, is it real or an illusion.  The real blocks will take a bit longer to break down, but the beauty of illusions is they lose their power as soon as you see through them.

A new year and a new decade are almost upon us.  Where does time go.  Before the 1st January arrives will you have taken time to work out what you want to achieve in 2010?

Here’s a short video that let’s you in on a little secret of something I do between Christmas and New Year.  I already have all the ingredients mentioned in the video and I’m looking forward to the indulgence.

I think that one of the key things, no matter what sort of year this has been,  that is critical when you decide what 2010 will be about (and even the next decade if you’re being bold) is you feel fantastic.

Success is a feeling first and foremost, it’s not a destination.  So when you set your goals (work and personal) for the next year, do it in style, feeling fabulous, confident and successful.  What you believe is possible, what you desire, will be very different compared to if you set goals for next year feeling beaten from this year, creeping in with small wishes, hoping that life doesn’t crush those too.

Whether your recipe for success includes a G&T, a cup of tea or a glass of champagne, may this next decade bring you all your heart desires.  No creeping now

As children we quickly pick up messages about our image, whether we fit in with society’s definition of normal or it’s definition of desirable or successful or like-able.  As adults we get to add the am I too young, too old, passed it, conundrum to the list.  Dove have come up with some very clever video’s showing what we’re exposed to on a daily basis at a more unconscious level.  Their self esteem fund is aimed at girls, but I would say that boys too are increasingly exposed to messages of a similar nature.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could be shown how to learn to love the skin we’re in, rather than wanting to change it and learn to love others for who they are.  It certainly beats the self image that’s says we’re not good enough.

I recently found some photo’s of me when I was a teenager, a time when I certainly didn’t think I was good enough, and would have described myself as ugly.  Now the reaction to the photo’s included some laughter at the hairstyles that were fashionable then (it was the 80′s).  However I also realised how pretty I was and that’s it’s the invisible glasses we wear that determine how we view things.  In my case I’d been wearing the all my friends are beautiful, pretty or fanciable and I’m the ugly ‘orrid ones.  No idea when those invisible glasses broke, but thank goodness they did.  Who knows what I’d have succumbed to, or how many years I’d have lost not being able to appreciate myself, quirks and all.

Dove’s self esteem fund has lots more information.

So this was 200 dancers doing a little Sound of Music in Antwerp.

As I was watching it I asked myself, had I been there would I have been a spectator or joined in?

The answer – I’d have joined in, nothing like an opportunity to boogie on down.

Your self image is determining your results.  Now maybe you’ve never seen your identity as directly linked to the results you’ve achieved or will go on to achieve.  In essence we can’t outperform our sense of self.  Well you can but only for a short while and then, like an elastic band, it snaps back to where it knows.

You’ve no doubt heard people say “act as if”, or ” you have to be it before you can receive it”.  We see this commonly in the workplace when people are doing a role before they get the promotion.

Self esteem, self confidence, results, success, resilience, adaptability are all tied up to self image / identity.

Any time you say “i am…” you’re making a statement about your identity.

Now most of us talk a lot but don’t really pay 100% attention to what we’re saying.   Your identity is unconsciously running you.

This summer you can change all that.  You could decide you’re going to understand the power of self image and identity, and work on making sure yours is working for you, not against you.  Join me on my 7 week study group, we’re doing this by phone so it’s really easy to join in.  You can get the full details here.